High above the school where no students have ventured before live two super heroes so beastly that they wear sunglasses and capes to hide their identities. Who are these masked beings and what exactly do they do? (Add theme music here.) Are they good or are they evil? In a daring, spontaneous decision not based at all on Article Assignments we bravely ventured up to the steeple in search of the supposed superheroes.
Slowly, we edged around the corner of the “Superheroes” hide out. What would we find there? Super technology? Highly dangerous explosives? No, if only they were doing such mundane things as that. Instead, they were performing the highly contagious “Chicken Dance of Doom.”
After the “Super Heroes” realized that we were standing behind them, watching their ridiculous dance, and they got over the surprise of seeing us in their hide out by bravely screaming at the top of their lungs, we introduced ourselves as James Bond and Austin Powers, the school’s super secret inside reporter.
H&M: Normally, Superheroes are the ones who save the world after evil has been wrought upon it, but these old-school concepts are beneath Happy Heffalump and Mad Macaroni.
HH: Don’t forget BTRD Boy.
H&M: Who’s that?
MM: You know, Bring the Roof Down Boy, we like to call him. Our side kick who lasted for around two seconds before he fell through the roof.
HH: Anyway, like I was saying, we like to, ya know, shake it up a little…create some chaos (secretively of course) and then swoop in to save the day because, deep down DHHS is your everyday high school. The weird things that go down are all our doing.
H&M: So, what exactly do two super heroes cook up to add some spice to their day?
MM: Oh the usual. Turn off the A/C and then leave a ransom note and accidentally blow up half of the school with foreign explosives you know, same old same old.
H&M: Wait. What? Rewind. What do you mean no A/C?
HH: Well, we do like to make you sweat a little before we save the day.
H&M: Har, har Heffalump,very punny.
MM: Actually the A/C was an accident. We were practicing our killer dance moves in the Top Secret County Office one day and cha-cha-cha’d right into the Big Red Button that controls the A/C for all of DeKalb County. Well, it just so happens that at least 20 students a year attempt to break into the office so it’s under high security risk. As soon as we knocked into the button, 50 police officers rushed in (because they’d hate to see the tax payer’s money go to waste by turning on the A/C too early). At the same time the fire sprinklers went off, causing the Big Button to short circuit. Now they have to order a new one from Japan.
H&M: Mmm…okay what about the construction? How is that your fault?
HH: Well. That’s actually a funny story, Mad Mac. Do you mind if I tell it?
MM: Go ahead.
HH: We blew it up. Well, at first we were just going to do some graffiti, like a last year, but then we thought ‘Hey, we have all of these high explosives sitting around; let’s blow up Mars’ because, if you think about it, Mars is just an unnecessary planet. Well, the rocket we bought from Toys R Us was a little faulty and instead of shooting our explosives to Mars…it landed in the parking lot, obliterating half the school.
MM: So, the moral of the story here is, don’t get your heavy artillery from the Dollar Section.
So, in the future if you ever hear—wait, what’s that?
MM: Jeez, it’s the junior girls again. How many times have we had to undent their cars for them?
HH: Not to mention the upperclassmen cars. Did you see—
MM: We have to go…
HH: To infinity and beyond!
MM: No! That is not our catch phrase! To the cupola!
